Memorial Day, a holiday that honors the sacrifices, service, and history of the men and women in the U.S. military, is actually the culmination of Military Appreciation Month. Designated by Congress over two decades ago, the month of May is an opportunity for Americans to show their gratitude to those who serve, have served, or have lost their lives for their country. But while many express thanks to members of the military both at home and abroad, many of us in uniform are thinking of another great service to our country – that of our military spouses.
I have been deployed in the Middle East for nearly a year – my longest time away from home, my two children, and my wife, Sarrah. While my fellow servicemembers and I face and overcome our own daily challenges in the field, I believe that our families and loved ones have a much more difficult job.
Needless to say, a life of service is tough, but there is a sense of control that makes it that much more manageable. We have set routines, direct orders, and a structured environment. There’s not a lot of left and right. What’s more, we have the support and help of others within our formations. For Sarrah, every day presents a new unpredictability with no higher up telling her what to do – and she must manage largely on her own.
Going through the turmoil alone
Last June, amid the panic, questions, and lockdown orders, my family was packing up to move from California to a home in Texas. I was able to spend one week with Sarrah and the kids before saying goodbye.
It is hard to look back on the last year and believe what they’ve faced since then. In the outside world with the pandemic backdrop, we saw the country go through social unrest and political upheaval. Texas experienced a historic ice storm that devastated homes and lives. At home, while Sarrah balanced her responsibilities with homeschooling, grocery shopping, and keeping the house running, my oldest was diagnosed with appendicitis, and the youngest broke a finger. Then, like hundreds of thousands of other Americans, Sarrah tested positive for COVID-19.
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With all the changes both inside and out of our family life, Sarrah has been the glue that keeps us together. Overcoming the virus is an accomplishment in and of itself. But she’s done much more than words can say.
A life of service is rewarding, bringing with it honor and respect. It also brings challenges unimaginable to the general public, and that rings just as true for military families. The traditional hardships faced by military-connected men and women, such as issues related to permanent change of station (PCS) and deployment orders, job instability, and access to childcare and health services, have been exacerbated by the pandemic.
A mother's kind of leadership
The most recent annual Military Family Lifestyle Survey from Blue Star Families found that nearly half of military spouses reduced their work hours in order to balance their jobs with supporting their children’s education. The majority of families with special-needs children lost the support they needed due to closures. And over half of military families who saw a deployment during the pandemic faced an unanticipated extension of their time apart.
All this while facing one of the biggest military family struggles that was largely eroded due to the pandemic: having a sense of belonging to their community.
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The military footprint in the Texas city that Sarrah and the boys were living is small, but she luckily had family members close by, as well as phone calls with her “Air Force family” – the friends she’s made throughout her journey. In fact, my wife rarely vents her trials and tribulations with me. Her strength allows her to work through her challenges and show me only the good in life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the bad.
The options for connectivity that we have today are a blessing and a curse. While I haven’t seen them in person since last June, we’re able to keep in touch via text or see each other over video. I am grateful for every time we speak, but it also makes me feel everything Sarrah is going through. Despite the distance between us, I feel every feeling and experience every change that she goes through every day.
While my children are still young, I know they will look back soon and see how much their mother has done for them. She has taught them to respect other men, women, and each other. She has shown a kind of leadership even the military cannot teach.
Sarrah is a retired veteran of the Air Force herself. She will always be the first to tell you that she’s just one of thousands of military spouses, significant others, or however service members choose define their loved ones and families. I call her the best Airman in the family. Her support, love, respect, and strength are what keeps us together, and that rings true for military spouses everywhere. We can’t do our jobs without them.
Dustin Hall is a chief master sergeant in the United States Air Force.
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