The deaths of two Anderson High School students last week has left many children in the community grieving.
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They aren't the only ones. A Western Hills University High School student was killed in mid-October. In Northern Kentucky, a 10-year-old boy who went to school at River Ridge Elementary died earlier this month after being struck by an SUV over the summer. And Hamilton City Schools is mourning the loss of a middle school science teacher last month.
"Certainly these kinds of situations are really difficult for students in that school district," said Lynne Merk, Ph.D., a Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center staff psychologist. "This is grief, this is trauma."
In each of these cases and in other tragedies at area districts, schools have offered emergency counseling and grief services to students and staff. But some students may not be comfortable seeking help at school, and others may be experiencing outside sources of grief school contacts don't know anything about.
According to the U.S. Surgeon General's recently released advisory on protecting youth mental health, it’s estimated that as of June 2021, more than 140,000 American children had lost a parent or grandparent caregiver to COVID-19.
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Health and education experts are worried about the trauma kids have accumulated over the pandemic, and have noticed various ways children are now acting out at school and otherwise on the streets of Cincinnati.
The holidays can be an especially difficult time for anyone who is grieving. While some children may take comfort in the break from school to rest and spend time with loved ones, Merk said, others may find they have more alone time while parents are off at work.
"I do think that's a time when these young people can get things swirling in their mind and it could be potentially risky for some kids that are, maybe, already at risk," she said. She suggests finding friends, grandparents or other family members for teens to spend time with so they aren't left by themselves.
What can parents do to help?
Merk shared with The Enquirer seven ways parents and caregivers can support a grieving child:
Be present
Young people won't often come up to an adult and start talking about their feelings, Merk said.
But letting a child know that you are there for them might encourage them to speak. Communicating openness and validating their emotions when they do share their feelings are great ways to foster a healthy line of communication for when they are ready to open up.
Express the obvious
Saying things like, "these are difficult times" may seem obvious, Merk said, but also can help open the door to further conversations with a grieving child.
Share your own experiences of grief
Sharing your own feelings, as an adult, to children helps validate their own emotions, Merk said.
"It helps them understand that they're not strange or weird or anything like that for having these thoughts," she said.
Monitor social media use
Merk said many teens express depressive, suicidal thinking on social media. Also, teens who are bullied online are at greater risk of depression and suicide.
Maintain normalcy
Merk said having as much normalcy as possible is very important in times of loss. Make sure your child is eating, sleeping and otherwise taking care of themselves. Encouraging walks in nice weather and spending quality time with loved ones is a good idea.
"It is important for parents to allow teens to be with their friends during this tough time, but OK to set limits on how much, where they go, what they do, etc.," she said.
Reassure
Let your child know that things are going to be OK, Merk said.
"Because when these things happen it's very hard for young people to believe that," she said. "So try to, just, remind them."
Take care of yourself
"We have a tendency as adults to focus on taking care of our children, but these losses are very difficult for parents and teachers too – not only because they grieve the individual, but also because it can intensify fears of something like this happening to their own children or other students," Merk said. "We need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves."
When to seek outside help for your child
There are additional resources for grieving children should their needs be more severe, Merk said.
Look out for signs that your child might be in a mental health crisis: changes in sleeping patterns, changes in eating routines, substance use, disinterest in activities they typically enjoy, withdrawal from friends and family, changes in grades at school, isolating themselves or using language like "I'm lonely," "no one cares about me" or "no one would care if I wasn't here."
Merk said parents should not be afraid to ask their children if they are having suicidal thoughts. Doing so gives your student the ability to talk openly about how they are feeling and get the help they need.
"Talking about suicide, asking about suicide does not increase the likelihood of a young person committing suicide," she said. "In fact, it's the exact opposite."
Children can seek help from their school or through the following local and national resources:
- Cincinnati Children's Psychiatric Intake Response Center offers health care providers for families to discuss concerns and identify appropriate next steps for your child. Call 513-636-4124.
- Cincinnati Children's Division of Behavioral Medicine & Clinical Psychology offers referrals for ongoing therapy with psychologists. Call 513-636-8107.
- Mind Peace Cincinnati offers therapy and other school-based resources for children. Go to mindpeacecincinnati.com.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 800-273-8255 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.
- Crisis Textline – Text HOME to 741741.
- Psychology Today's website helps patients find a therapist in their area.
- Therapy for Black Girls website matches patients with therapists.
- Cincinnati Children's offers other resources on its suicide prevention website.
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