You probably don't think too much about the scarf you throw around your neck. But speaking as a scarf – a very important scarf, mind you – I bet you think about me (well, us) from time to time.
I know my owner sure does. Her name is Taylor Alison Swift.
Yes, it's me. The scarf.
For the uninitiated: Taylor dated beau (redacted) about a decade ago, and the courtship didn't last long. When you're 20 years old and your boyfriend is 29, he'll be afraid to call it what it was: a relationship. (Scarf's note: For ethical and legal reasons, I refuse to divulge the identity of said beau.)
Back in 2012, Taylor wrote a song involving me called "All Too Well" – a sweeping symphony detailing the devastation and maudlin melodies of heartache and heartbreak. Taylor has called it her favorite song on the album – a song in which I had a starring role. She wore me to her beau's sister's house and left me there. He then allegedly kept me in a drawer.
There was even a film about me:Taylor Swift walks red carpet with Sadie Sink and Dylan O’Brien, stars of her 'All Too Well' short film
Yes. The woman whose boyfriend later abandoned her first abandoned me. At a stranger's house. After I kept her warm from the cold.
Why are we talking about a decade-old story now? Because Taylor is in the process of rerecording her albums since she couldn't buy back her masters. She rereleased the album "All Too Well" lived on, "Red (Taylor's Version)," on Nov. 12 and even included a 10-minute version of it just for the occasion.
Speculation has long-since ramped up about my whereabouts, and I am sorry to say I can't reveal my precise location now – mostly for legal reasons – but indeed spent some time smushed in the back of a drawer. Crumpled up like a piece of paper. Sound familiar, Taylor?
Trust that I am among an infinite pool of friends (read: infinity scarves, the warmest kind) and will come out of hiding when I’m good and ready.
I never asked to be a part of this narrative. But now that I am, you might as well hear my story (scarf's version).
If only I could have appeared too:'SNL': Taylor Swift sings 'Three Sad Virgins' and 'All Too Well,' joined by famous friends
All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Scarf's Version) (From the Vault)
Taylor walked through the door with me because the air was cold. She didn't take her scarf off because it felt like home, somehow. She quickly took me off and wrapped me around a staircase bannister – as shown in the new "All Too Well" short film.
Sure, there’s nothing like seeing yourself onscreen. Representation matters. But representation you didn’t ask for, and that paints you as an object without any emotions or feelings? No thanks.
From afar, I watched his sweet disposition and her wide-eyed gaze, and was furious they didn't take me along for the ride while they drove around singing and getting lost upstate.
I might be OK now, but I am absolutely not fine after all that FOMO.
What really frustrates me, though, is how quickly Taylor wrestled me from her neck and forgot about me. Sure, she was just 20 years old, (and if you're reading this, Taylor, I forgive you) but to carelessly cast me aside? They were always skipping town, but apparently not enough for her to remember to pick me up from that bannister.
He never called their relationship what it was, but maybe I would have chimed in if anyone bothered to ask me. I also could've kept you both warm while you danced around the kitchen in the freezing refrigerator light! Down the stairs, I was there, but still stuck on the bannister.
The rest of the album, for reference:Taylor Swift's new 'Red' is a fan feast of 30 sensitive, angry and transformative songs
Maybe I'm getting lost in translation here. Or did I ask for too much? No – both of these people were casually cruel to me. Did I even cross their minds? They sure double-crossed mine.
Taylor watched for him at the front door all night, willing him to show up at her 21st birthday. Little did she know that I would've been there for her.
But whatever: Time won't fly for her. She's paralyzed by it. He made her his own with plaid shirt days and nights and mailed back her things. But what wasn't in those things? Me. That's where he really screwed up, too.
I'm not the most best lyric, but whatever:Taylor Swift's 62 best lyrics definitively ranked, including 'Red (Taylor's Version)'
He kept me after that very first week – I reminded him of innocence. She claims that I smelled like her, but I'd like to think I have my own kind of smell, thank you very much. Roses and lavender. The actual one real thing he's never known. Too bad he never returned me to my rightful owner, where I could've cleared a whole lot of this mess up and stood my holy ground.
So now, when the city is barren cold, I'm not around to keep Taylor warm.
The love affair maimed all three of us, really. All because she left me down the stairs and he never returned me.
All I can do is say a sacred prayer and insist I was there. And hope that Dionne Warwick's message somehow resonates and turns my tale of woe into an "all's well that ends well." Also, before I forget, I'd like a cut of all the merchandise that Taylor is selling on her website. Those scarves look amazing – even if they're not really me (I also cannot confirm nor deny the scarf from the "I Bet You Think About Me" music video is a nod to me).
Just know that I, above anyone else in this narrative, remember it all too well.
Good:Miles Teller clarifies his vaccination status after appearing in Taylor Swift's new music video
