It was the day before Halloween and Robert Carter was nervous.
In probate court, there were pumpkins and cats and witches on the judge’s bench in front of him. Carter had been told his kids could dress up, and another child in court wore a Superman cape.
His kids wore suits and dresses showcasing their family colors: red, black and white. Red, Carter said, because you don’t have to be blood to be family.
He was there to adopt them. All five of them – three boys and two girls.
When the judge called their case, she asked for the kids' birthdays. Carter didn’t know. The judge laughed, and Carter quickly rattled off the days and months they celebrate. Speaking fast, he said he just didn’t know the years.
To understand his nerves – and why he cried in the bathroom after the hearing was over – you have to understand his story.
Carter entered foster care when he was 12. Before that, he sometimes broke into houses and stole food to provide for his siblings. He was the third oldest of nine kids. His parents struggled with alcoholism.
His dad wasn’t around. His mom is better now, but she wasn’t then.
“I never had a childhood,” he said.
Carter got a job when he was 16 and never stopped working. At McDonald’s. At nursing homes. At the wig shop he owns now.
He was always a father figure to his siblings, sometimes missing school to make sure they were taken care of. But when his mother lost custody of her kids, Carter went more than 10 years without seeing his youngest brother.
When he became an adult, Carter gained custody of a younger sister and guardianship of a brother.
That’s why Carter wears a necklace with a picture of his kids on it. The kids sitting next to him in court. Because, like him, they’d been split up. The picture on his necklace was taken last year, the first time the siblings had seen each other after six months in three different foster homes.
They’re smiling in the picture, but they spent most of the visit crying.
That’s why Carter has trouble getting them to sleep in their own beds. For much of the year, he woke up to check on them and found them all in the same room.
They didn't want to be split up again.
Back to their own beds, Carter gives his kids a high-five and a kiss on the forehead. He tells them they're going to be stars.
Marionna, the oldest, was the only one who didn’t enjoy it. At first, she didn’t like her new dad. When the family got together to watch movies, or hang around the firepit outside, she often stayed in her room. Carter saw himself in her, especially when she did things like make cereal for the other kids.
Even at 11, she was their provider.
A few weeks before adoption day, Marionna walked into Carter’s room. She’d been living with him since January. She thanked him for being there when her mom couldn’t be, and then she said something she’d never said before.
I love you.
When the judge reviewed the paperwork for Carter’s case, she could not understand why such a young man would take on such a serious responsibility. She asked him why.
Carter, who is not married and turned 30 this month, smiled. He said he’s been a parent his whole life.
“I feel like this is what I’m here for,” he said.
The boys fiddled with their masks and whispered to Carter while the judge spoke. If he was good, one boy asked, could he ride his Power Wheels?
The judge asked the kids what they thought about the adoption. They seemed nervous, too. The judge asked if they played outside. The judge asked if they ever got in trouble. And the judge asked who helped them get dressed today.
The kids smiled and pointed at Carter. Then the judge addressed him.
“Congratulations,” she said. “You are dad.”
And this is why he cried.
Because Carter has already spent two Christmas holidays with the boys. This will be their third together, and his first with the girls. He takes comfort knowing there will be many more.
Together.
…
There are currently 1,797 juveniles in Hamilton County Jobs and Family Services custody. Of those, about 410 are eligible to be adopted. For more information on becoming a foster parent in Hamilton County, visit hckids.org or click on this link.
To support the Carter family, a GoFundMe page has been created to help them buy a new home.
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