Asking someone to wear a mask is so 2020. The new tough conversation is finding out about someone’s COVID-19 vaccination status. Experts say the way you ask matters, including your tone, sincerity and choice of words.But for starters, it shouldn’t be a random question, says Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert and founder of the Swann School of Protocol. After all, it is personal information that usually isn’t any of your business — unless you plan on letting the person into your personal space. And even then, a more private person still may not want to disclose their status. So what do you do? It helps to begin by asking yourself why you want to know in the first place.If your main reason is to assess your risk of COVID-19, then you should know that just because someone is vaccinated doesn’t mean you’ll be 100% safe.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that if a person is vaccinated, you still need to continue most of your COVID-19 safety practices, including washing hands and wearing a mask when you’re in public. That means you don’t really have a reason to be asking strangers.“I don’t think we should ever get to the point where you’re asking someone in the grocery store lines what their vaccination status is,” Swann says. “This type of question is more reserved for individuals that you plan on spending time with.” So if you feel the need to know, because you’re thinking of inviting a person into your home or you’re at a gathering where people are not wearing masks, you should keep a few important things in mind:1. Consider your tone.“Having a non-judgmental and matter-of-fact tone is important when asking a person about their COVID-19 vaccination status,” says Haley Neidich, LCSW, a psychotherapist in Tampa. If you come off defensive while asking, you will receive a defensive response. This is true in any form of questioning, Swann notes, adding that you should also avoid an accusing tone. Instead, take a curious and inclusive approach to your inquiry. “A way to do this while also softening the blow is to reveal your vaccination status first and then ask the other person how they feel about it or what their plans are,” Swann explains.This will spark a more natural and organic conversation, making a person feel more comfortable revealing their vaccination status.2. Choose words wisely.Just like you should keep your tone in check, you should also put thought into the words you choose when asking about someone’s vaccination status. Neidich says vaccine conversations shouldn’t be tense — they should be direct but judgment-free and sincere. So instead of simply asking, “Are you vaccinated?” break the ice by saying, “I hope you don’t mind me asking...” It can also help to state why you want to know. You could say something like, “Are you comfortable with sharing your vaccine status with me? I’m nervous about being around people,” or “If it’s not too personal, can you share your vaccine status? I’m trying to navigate when to wear a mask. What are your thoughts?” This way, the person knows you’re coming from a sincere place, rather than a nosy one.3. Ask in private.If you want to come off in the least confrontational way, Neidich says asking over text is a great way to go. This will give the person time to process and react without the added pressure of being put on the spot. Still consider your word choices, though, and use phrases like “would you be willing to share?” and being open about whether you’ve been vaccinated. However, if you’re worried about your tone getting lost in translation, stick with a phone or in-person chat. “This will allow you to fully focus on the tone of your voice, which can make your questioning feel less intimidating to another person,” Swann says.However, she also notes that if you decide to ask in person, make sure to do it privately. “If you put someone on the spot in front of other people, it may not turn out well,” Swann says. Wait until you are alone. 4. Make your boundaries clear.Another way to go about asking someone their COVID-19 vaccination status is by stating your rules and boundaries. This may be the least intrusive way to get answers because it leaves it up to the person whether to disclose their status or not. For example, try a similar statement to Neidich’s: “My family has been fully vaccinated and are doing our best to only expose ourselves fully to those who have also received the vaccine.” Based on someone’s response, you can then decide how you want to move forward. “This may mean canceling your plans completely or just indicating that you’ll plan to wear a mask,” Neidich says. No one is obligated to tell you their COVID-19 vaccine status. So you need to be prepared to accept whatever response you get. “If a person does not tell you, immediately let it go. Do not push. Just drop it and respect their response,” Swann says. You can also assume that an indirect or loaded response means they haven’t been vaccinated or don’t intend to be, Neidich adds. So, in any case, move on or adjust your plans accordingly.
Asking someone to wear a mask is so 2020. The new tough conversation is finding out about someone’s COVID-19 vaccination status. Experts say the way you ask matters, including your tone, sincerity and choice of words.
But for starters, it shouldn’t be a random question, says Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert and founder of the Swann School of Protocol. After all, it is personal information that usually isn’t any of your business — unless you plan on letting the person into your personal space. And even then, a more private person still may not want to disclose their status. So what do you do? It helps to begin by asking yourself why you want to know in the first place.
If your main reason is to assess your risk of COVID-19, then you should know that just because someone is vaccinated doesn’t mean you’ll be 100% safe.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that if a person is vaccinated, you still need to continue most of your COVID-19 safety practices, including washing hands and wearing a mask when you’re in public.
That means you don’t really have a reason to be asking strangers.
“I don’t think we should ever get to the point where you’re asking someone in the grocery store lines what their vaccination status is,” Swann says. “This type of question is more reserved for individuals that you plan on spending time with.”
So if you feel the need to know, because you’re thinking of inviting a person into your home or you’re at a gathering where people are not wearing masks, you should keep a few important things in mind:
1. Consider your tone.
“Having a non-judgmental and matter-of-fact tone is important when asking a person about their COVID-19 vaccination status,” says Haley Neidich, LCSW, a psychotherapist in Tampa. If you come off defensive while asking, you will receive a defensive response. This is true in any form of questioning, Swann notes, adding that you should also avoid an accusing tone.
Instead, take a curious and inclusive approach to your inquiry. “A way to do this while also softening the blow is to reveal your vaccination status first and then ask the other person how they feel about it or what their plans are,” Swann explains.
This will spark a more natural and organic conversation, making a person feel more comfortable revealing their vaccination status.
2. Choose words wisely.
Just like you should keep your tone in check, you should also put thought into the words you choose when asking about someone’s vaccination status. Neidich says vaccine conversations shouldn’t be tense — they should be direct but judgment-free and sincere. So instead of simply asking, “Are you vaccinated?” break the ice by saying, “I hope you don’t mind me asking...” It can also help to state why you want to know. You could say something like, “Are you comfortable with sharing your vaccine status with me? I’m nervous about being around people,” or “If it’s not too personal, can you share your vaccine status? I’m trying to navigate when to wear a mask. What are your thoughts?” This way, the person knows you’re coming from a sincere place, rather than a nosy one.
3. Ask in private.
If you want to come off in the least confrontational way, Neidich says asking over text is a great way to go. This will give the person time to process and react without the added pressure of being put on the spot. Still consider your word choices, though, and use phrases like “would you be willing to share?” and being open about whether you’ve been vaccinated.
However, if you’re worried about your tone getting lost in translation, stick with a phone or in-person chat. “This will allow you to fully focus on the tone of your voice, which can make your questioning feel less intimidating to another person,” Swann says.
However, she also notes that if you decide to ask in person, make sure to do it privately. “If you put someone on the spot in front of other people, it may not turn out well,” Swann says. Wait until you are alone.
4. Make your boundaries clear.
Another way to go about asking someone their COVID-19 vaccination status is by stating your rules and boundaries. This may be the least intrusive way to get answers because it leaves it up to the person whether to disclose their status or not.
For example, try a similar statement to Neidich’s: “My family has been fully vaccinated and are doing our best to only expose ourselves fully to those who have also received the vaccine.” Based on someone’s response, you can then decide how you want to move forward. “This may mean canceling your plans completely or just indicating that you’ll plan to wear a mask,” Neidich says.
No one is obligated to tell you their COVID-19 vaccine status. So you need to be prepared to accept whatever response you get. “If a person does not tell you, immediately let it go. Do not push. Just drop it and respect their response,” Swann says. You can also assume that an indirect or loaded response means they haven’t been vaccinated or don’t intend to be, Neidich adds. So, in any case, move on or adjust your plans accordingly.
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